I wish I had a happier reason for not having posted in a while (like a vacation to Disneyland or an abduction by aliens who live on a planet made entirely of Bugga), but in truth it is because I am dealing with a very difficult and distressing family situation over which I have no control. I can only sit here and watch and hope, while 160 miles away the fabric of the reality I once knew that had knit my family together is being tinked apart. Stitch by stitch, row by row, it’s been happening for a few years now and the other day it reached all the way back to the cast-on edge. Then the foundation started to unravel, too, and everything is now a big tangled mess. I’m not sure if it’s hit me yet how close things were to coming completely undone, to the slipknot releasing, to the yarn falling entirely off the needles.
All I know is that I am at once thankful that there are still stitches to pick up, but worried about the work and the diligence it will take to re-knit and certain that the fabric will never look quite the same again. The yarn will be stretched and kinked, the stitch count might be off, the shaping and row counting will have to begin again, perhaps the pattern will even even need to be reconsidered. It might end up as an entirely different piece, and whether the changes are good or bad it is a frightening concept, this unknown, particularly when the stakes are so high.
I am thankful that I have my Fiasco, who came into my life in the nick of time just before this Great Unraveling began. I am thankful for my friends and for my extended family who treat me with nothing but compassion, love, and respect. I am thankful for whatever it is in me that pulled me far enough out of my emotions to accomplish some work today because no matter what is happening 160 miles away, here, in a week, I will be defending my master’s thesis, which this late in the game cannot be changed. Mostly, though, I am thankful that something stopped the worst from happening. For whatever it was that kept that slipknot tied just tightly enough, I am thankful.